He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
