You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
