hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
