my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
ok first of all what the fuck
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
