sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
