And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
