I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Be still, my beating vagina.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
