YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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