If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
