Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
