Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
