he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
