At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
