Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
