well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
