I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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