Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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