yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
