it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize