where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we're so committed to being not committed
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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