I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
