i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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