I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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