It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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