Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
