she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
