Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
