how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
