The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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