then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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