what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize