eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
