OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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