i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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