u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
