3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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