I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
