Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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