My cat gives me a boner
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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