we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
