Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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