6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
