I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
