Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
