Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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