Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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