she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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