Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
