I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
