i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
