captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
