can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
