There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
