Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
