I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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