five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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