So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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