He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
