hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So much rum. So many feels.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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