I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
