he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
