Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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