Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
