you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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