I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we're making bets on your personal life
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
