i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
