I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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