Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize