I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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