Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize