She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
