I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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