So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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