You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
