remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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