Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
