when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You're like the curious george of whores
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
